LOVE POTION
by Sabuchan88
Summary: One day in Saillune, the gang gathered on Royal Palace to have lunch. All seems the same, but the Princess of Zoana has prepared something that Lina Inverse wouldn't erase easily from her mind.
1. Chapter 1

**LOVE POTION**

**PART ONE**

_It's morning on Sailune, its residents wake up with the sun beating on their eyelids, but covered in part by the shadow created by the great tower of the royal palace, which houses Prince Phillionel and daughter Amelia, who for that day had invited all her friends ..._

AMELIA: Hello Lina-san, well awake!

LINA: good morning Amelia, I'm a bit stunned ... what was all that noise last night?

A: ah I don't know, I haven't heard any noises, I was involved in a long and beneficial sleep!

L: ... with Zelgadis, so it was more than beneficial, isn't it?

A: B-but! What do you say, Lina-san? *she punches her back*

L: auch .. Okay, okay, anyway it was not you two... I was worried by noises from the room on the left... various explosions...

A: * does not pay attention to her words * Lina-san, don't say it again, it wasn't us, oh!

_In that room, small explosions continued ..._

MARTINA: muahahahahahhahahaha, and now my revenge begins! Lina Inverse will regret having challenged me! Muahahahahaha

ZANGLUSS: but dear, you're the one that...

MARTINA: Hush my dear, shut up, you're ruining the preparation of my death trap, mauahahahahahahahaha

Z: ok but...

M: With this potion I can finally drop down that foolish more than she could imagine!

Z: ... as long as _you_ wouldn't be the one to fall down ...

*an explosion came from nowhere gets rid of him sending him to horizon *

Z: nuoooooooooooooooooo ...

M: Lina Inverse, you will tremble, tremble muahahahahaha!

_Further on, in the park of the palace ..._

SYLPHEEL: oooh Gourry-sama today I see you really well, as always!

GOURRY: oh really? Well thanks Sylpheel, at least there is someone who tells me nice things every now and then.

S: Do not worry Gourry-sama ... * clings to his arm *

G: ... Sylpheel? * Looks a bit worried*

S: Gourry-sama, I have to confess something important, I ... I ... I ... I'M IN LAAAAAAAAARGH!

* Zangluss rushes on Sylpheel which, tormented by the pain of her back more than her heart, makes circles on the ground and cries her sadness*

Z: oh, where the hell am I... AHA! Gourry! Finally we meet again! *pulls out his sword* I didn't forget about you! Come on, let's finish our fight once and for all!

G: * looking at the opponent, bends his head to the side * ... oh I understand!

Z: let me have doubts ... what do you understand...?

G: But no one had told me that it was already Halloween ...

Z: * falls to the ground, then gets up * What does Halloween have to do now?

G: you are dressed as a brown witch right? With this hat ... But do brown witches exist?

Z: WHAT KIND OF DOUBT DO YOU HAVE?! I am Zangluss, ZEE-A-N-G-L-U-DOUBLE S! Just remember it this time, and now...

G: Wait a minute!

Z: What is it now?

G: aha! * Beats his right fist into his left hand * you're the mad felon who later married the other crazy criminal, yeah, those two pathetics that went behind Zolmostro!

Z: Grrrrr, enough is enough! Our supreme master is ZoalmelGustav! And I'm not a criminal lunatic!

G: oh, sorry, I didn't remember ... why do you not defend your wife?

Z: I can't stand him more...

_In the corridors of the building ..._

NAGA: OHOHOHOYHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHHO!

Zelgadis: What did I do so bad to meet this woman?

N: Oh, young handsome, if you give me all your coins I will close one eye on your crime!

Z: What on Earth did I do to make you close one eye?

N: on YOUR eyes that glared my beautiful shapes, OHOHOHOHHO!

Z: of, if Amelia knew ...

N: * stops * you said ... Amelia?

Z: so why?

N: aha!

Z: I do not understand!

N: then my sister should stay around here ... well, come, young handsome, take me to her!

Z: *being took by his arm, flying in mid-air * sssstooooooopppp! Oh gods, what's wrong with her?!

N: * slow the race, Zell goes slammed against a column that nearly shatters * you are my trusted guide to find my sister and let me meet her, ohohohoho!

Z: * a bit dazed but immediately wakes up from a coma brain * SO-SO-SO-SISTER? * Zell imagines the unimaginable * Well, actually there are some similarity ...

N: really? Where?

Z: Well, in the face, in the features, in ... * blush * * zell is catapulted 10 feet away from a too powerful spray of blood from his nose*

N: OHOHOHOHOHOHOH!

Z: What is so funny now...?

_Shortly after, at lunch, all are gathered in a large and majestic room, all sitting at the table; waiters bring continously dishes and, when they're tired, they rest against the columns, but do not have a real minute to rest because they're immediately called up to the reality because today's guest are bottoless pits._

LINA: I want another portion of roast turkey, then three servings of chicken omelette with herbs, yeah, the one with those chips that have that magical aftertaste of grilled peppers!

GOURRY: instead, for me another slice of wild boar with sauce! Indeed not! Give me all over the tray, so you'll save time!

Zelgadis: ... a-another cup of coffee, even a mug, please...

AMELIA: ... a-a glass of water ... Zell-san, don't you lose appetite just looking at them?

Z: what makes me most disgusted is the knowledge that they are at my own table ... sorry ... but how is your cook today?

A: I would say that it is depressed, but before lunch was fine, why?

Z: nothing, just that the food tastes strange...

_From the kitchen strange noises come, pots falling to the ground, broken dishes, glasses flying. Shortly after, Naga, with some guinea fowls under her arm and chased by waiters armed with long wooden spoons, runs toward the crowd, jump on the table, dropping irretrievably everything down._

NAGA: OHOHOHOHHOHOH you thought you got rid of me, handsome young man! *indicates Zell*

A: * claps his hands on the table, turns to Zell* You did WHAT?

Z: Me?! I am nothing, nothing, nothing to do with this!

A: and then how do you explain her words?!

Z: Let me explain first, this one claimed to be your sister then I conducted her to the palace and... Amelia...?

A: *eyes reduced to two stars* ... you're my dear adorable big sister ... you... hey, that's the costume of our mother, isn't it? So it was you, you stole it!

N: hey, what, don't... oh, what happened to you? When I left, you were flat as a table, and now...

L: buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu... *cries*

N: Hey Lina, I was not talking to you … Even if it's true, about you...

L: What the hell did you say... *an aura raised around the red headed girl*

N: hey, hey, what have I done now?

L: mainly, you've ruined my lunch...

_From the kitchen, Martina arrives. Jumping on the table, she laughs out loud, worse than Naga, followed by her husband that attempts a poor imitation of his wife's laughter..._

MARTINA: muahahahahhahaha there is no escape for you, Lina Inverse!

ZANGLUSS: yeah, sure, no escape!

G: aha! The mad hatter!

ZA: I'm not a mad hatter!

ZE: who married Martina gets crazy anyway...

ZA: oh, you do understand me.

MA: DID YOU SAY SOMETHING, MA' DEEEAAARRR?! *she throws to him a non identified object*

* Zangluss suddenly goes behind Zelgadis, who's a little disappointed *

MA: I was saying ... Lina Inverse, it's the end for you!

L: As you wish. *sipping wine* so you said last time, didn't you? That's a pity it isn't the last time for _you_...

MA: I assure you I'm not kidding this time, Lina Inverse...

L: oh, I see that you have learned something though: my name.

MA: Argh! You'll see the effects of the potion that I put in your dishes! Now you will literally fall at my feet, muahahahah!

ZA: uh, sweety ... * pulls her cloak *

MA: What do you want? Just now that I remembered all the speech that I had written.

ZA: my dear, it is really important ... see, that humm humm humming..

MA: WHAAAATTTT? DID I REALLY PUT THE POTION IN OTHERS' DISHES AND NOT IN HERS?

ZA: my love, I warned you that that was the wrong pot because: 1) Lina has her own pot 2) Lina has a pot smaller than the collective's one, since it is her personal one 3) Lina does not like too salty soup, and that one was tasteless ...

L: hey! How do you know?!

MA: all my perfect plan...

ZA: ...Martina, my love?

MA: I ... I ... I tasted the soup...

N: hey, so did I...

ZE, A, G, S: and we too...

L: Ooookay, calm down now... what was there in that soup? *grabs Martina by the collar, but after five minutes she leaves her because of her face being a bit purple*

MA: *coughing* it was a potion to make you literally fall at the feet of the woman who had created it, but since ...

S: ... I put a clove of garlic ...

L: superb...

A: ... I dropped an infusion of healing herbs...

L: wonderful...

N: … and I put a pinch of pepper ...

L: for refined palates ...

MA: and I have made the potion... but since you have not been drinking that soup, maybe... the book said *a books appears from nowhere* ... that we will be affected with the opposite effect ...

ZE: Wait a moment! I also drank that soup!

G: and I think I've drunk it too... maybe...

ZE: what will happen to us?

MA: nothing at all!

ZE: I really can't trust you.

MA: well, if you're a man it shoul-

G: Ah? *he looks in his pants* ah it's true, I'm a boy, never mind!

ALL: ...

MA: ...anyway, the effect is only on women.

WOMEN: WHAAAAA?

L: and you would have conceived such a thing? Let me take a look to that book ... *Martina gives her the book* … gods, Zelgadiss, did Rezo have some bouts of depression against women, since they didn't flirt with him?

ZE: why are you asking this?

L: Well, I do not think that the author, a certain Aka Houshi Rezo, is a namesake with your dear grandfather.

ZE: W-wha?!

S: Oh, Gourry-sama, I do not feel very well ... oh, please support me ...

N: even me, I don't feel so good, I feel something that hurts...

L: the brain?

N: N-no, I meant here, my chest... my heart...

MA: Zanglus, I can't see straight...

ZA: c-mon my dear, I'm here for you! * takes her hand, but she rejects him with a curt gesture*

MA: Aaaaah! A man! You suck!

ZA: B-but what...?!

S: Aaaargh! Gourry-sama, you're a man too, you suck!

N: Argh, men all around! _Fireballs_! * Zelgadis, Gourry and Zangluss are overwhelmed by the spell*

L: Girls, what is it happening to you? You're worrying me...

*All girls turn toward the source of the voice, with a sly smile, thin eyes, then giggle*

ALL WOMEN: ON HER!

L: Yeah, _now _I'm really worried.


	2. Chapter 2

**LOVE POTION**

**PART TWO**

_Summary:_

_At the court of Sailune, all classical Slayers' friends gathered, with unusual guests from Naga to Zangluss! Well, during the lunch, it turns out that Martina has put in place a so diabolical plane to defeat once and for all her bitter rival Lina Inverse. The Princess of Zoana, however, is unaware that her plan has been put at risk by all the other women at the table. In facts, Martina attempted to use a magic potion so that Lina would literally fall at her feet. Yeah, but it seems that everyone but Lina have drunken the cursed infusion. And since the evil plan has been dropped, the effects of the potion will fall upon all the women who have participated in its preparation. All that remains to Lina is to flee..._

_In the gardens of Sailune ..._

LINA: Oh well, thank goodness that Amelia came to mind to build a labyrinth here in the midst of the royal gardens ... now, they just _do not_ have to find me...

_YO-OOOOH? LINAAAA DARLING, WHERE ARE YOU?_

L: NO, dammit, it can't be! They already arrived ... heheh, thank gods I hid just fine...

MARTINA: aha! Here you go!

L: *looking up* ARGH! I had not thought that you could fly over the maze!

NAGA: Lina-chan dear, what are you doing here? Come with us now *flies towards her*

L: ARGH again! No, thanks, I do not really need to-

SYLPHEEL: wait a moment, girls!

NeM: what is it, Sylpheel?

S: I believe ... that Lina has taken refuge here because...

LeNeM: because ...?

S: well, to...

...

S: … because we face a test of love, looking for her!

_Lina fell to the ground_

N: but this...

M: Yes, this...

ALL: *in chorus* This is a wonderful idea! Lina, so you love us!

L: I already have a sense of nausea, don't exasperate me more!

_The girls went down to the ground and, following the advice of Sylpheel, parted in the labyrinth, promising that "the first who came will stay better", having Lina as prize. Meanwhile, the little poor girl..._

L: What did I do to deserve all this? … okay, maybe it was the time I stole candy to the grocery... maybe it's because I soiled Amelia's dress and I didn't- hey but... what about Amelia?

AMELIA: hello, Lina-san!

L: OH GODS, STAY AWAY FROM ME!

A: Lina-san, b-but ... I _do not_ have suffered the effects of the potion...

L: how can you ensure me?

Zelgadis: the fact that she's holding my arm without having allergy symptoms?

L: You here too? Oh, guys, please help me! I'm really in a desperate situation!

Z: I noticed.

L: *punches him in the eye* I heard a fly flying around, but now I don't hear it no more...

Z: you %£()$&&&###

L: *blings his other eye* Now that fly should be completely defeated!

A: Err... Lina-san, I've read the book of the grandfather of Zelgadis and it seems that there is a remedy for everything!

L: *totally taken by the explanation O_O tell me about it! Immediately! NOW! NOW! *taking the princess by her neck*

A: argh ... l ... cough cough ... Li ... Li-

L: So where? Tell me where it is! *shaking her back and forth*

A: LINA, LET ME BREATH!

L: ...oh.

_Meanwhile, in the depths of the labyrinth ..._

MA: Damn Zanglus, I cannot understand why he tried to restrain myself! (ZA: I know whyyyy!) so I lost ground! Now I have to look faster than others! And when I'll win, I'll do XXX and YYY as well, not to mention XYZ! Muahahahah! Inverse will take all my passional spirit!

_Actually, you can't understand if she speaks like this because of their rivalry or it's effect of the potion._

SY: oh poor me, I'm still so innocent: I saw a cute white bunny, a soft cotton ball in the middle of this cluster of bushes and I stopped to pet him. So I lost ground! Oh my, I'll have to hurry otherwise Lina-san will be taken by one of those beasts, Martina or Naga, and who knows what they will do! Maybe they will XXXX or YYYY! Ooooh, I dare not think about it! Or maybe XYZ which is even worse! Oh, I really have to hurry ... *takes a step* ... but maybe they'll even TZN and I cannot stand it! Or...

_She's getting lost in words_.

NA: Argh ... my stomach growls ... I can't go on like this... but for Lina I'll do this and more! And what about all those bushes? Seem they want to block my way at every junction! ... AHA! I get it! They are accomplices! They are all by the side of these two women! Oh but they will pay! AH! I saw you! You, bush, you've moved! Do not deny it you know! AH! You too have moved! But ... I still have to hurry!

_... No comment needed..._

_Meanwhile, Amelia, Zelgadis and Lina were trying to analyze the writings left by Rezo, to see if there could be the cure to everything. but ..._

A: ... ..._ so I decided to omit the written part of the cure _...

L: Zelgadiss!

Z: Here I am.

L: Your grandfather was really really bad!

Z: I would say that the expressions "treacherous, cruel, cynical and evil" are more correct.

L: Thanks for specifying. Amelia, does it say anything else?

A: …!

L: I understand, it's something so horrible that your pure fighter's heart can not pronounce, right?

A: *nods*

L: *takes the book and reads aloud* So: _... then, those hateful women who have always considered me less of a potato will now understand what it means to suffer, - _Zell, your grandfather had very scary mystical crisis _- … oh women that you're reading, if you want to find the cure, you'll have to try it on your own skin. Best regards, your beloved Aka Houshi () "/ $ /?) $ /? / $" = ^ *_ *Lina has some difficulties pronouncing the name of Rezo*

Z: I see...

L: You see a damn thing! This is pure self-masochism!

Z: ... sorry, what the hell is the difference from the common masochism?

L: the fact that I _do not_ want to be masochistic, but I have to be it by compulsion.

Z: *takes notes* Lina, traveling with you always helps learning new things.

L: Do you think so? Then learn this! *hands him a red wig and a black cape*

Z: Uhm but it seems to me that the next Cosplay Competition is being held days from now, so do not think you're being a tad early?

L: So you're the masochist ... *casting a spell*

Z: NO, I'm anything but masochistic!

L: then wear it.

Z: but, well, not looking to some particoulars... it looks like I'm you...

L: You're perceptive.

Z: Yeah, now I feel lke a very masochistic ...

_LINAAAAAAA-CHAAAAAAAAAN_

L: I have a bad feeling about this...

Z: I have three ...

N-SY-MA: *coming out out of the bushes* I found you!

MA: hey ... a moment! I found her first!

N: Yes, but I said it first!

SY: wait, if you would listen to my little and honest opinion...

N-MA: SHUT UP!

MA: but ... wait a minute: I see two Linas now!

N: * eyeing the two Linas * hey, even I do see two of her...

SY: how is it possible?

N: I know a possible reason, but it can't really be!

MA: bad start. Well, they seem identical! Okay, Lina has always been a bit flatty, and a bit ugly too, but this one ... *looks to Zell-lina*... this one really sucks!

Z: I'd like to take this as a compliment.

L: and me, I take it as a personal offence... FIREBALLSS!

_All flee in panic. Sylpheel was able to hide behind a bush near the look-alike Lina (Zell) and approaches her/him._

SY: psssst!

Z: uh? ARGH! Stop where you are and d-don't come any closer!

SY: but I ... I ... *eyes like Bambi* I did not do anything bad, Lina-san, I am a poor and fragile girl who'd like to settle with you and... oooowww ... * pretends to faint to get caught... but she just bang her head on the ground*

SY: ARGH! Ooooooooww... * now she really faints*

Z: uh? Hey! Hey Sylpheel, wake up! Come on, don't act smart ... wake up! I said WAKE UP! *he shakes her*

SY: ... oh? **smack on his lips**

ZE: ...!

A: …!

L: uh? What happ- OH GODS, Sylpheel!

SY: *breaks away from him* I had to take advantage ... I'm really s- URGH... AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!

A: I got it!

L: What you got so suddenly?!

A: if kissing a man is a kind of allergy, so...

L: So...?

A: oh but it is simple Lina! So if you will...

_Naga and Martina jumped on Lina, which is momentarily distracted._

N: Come here my love ... *squeezing the girl between her tits*

M: NO! Lina is only mine! *pulls her arm dislocating her shoulder*

L: ... ooooooooow ... * faints *

SY: It's usually me the one that faints!


	3. Chapter 3

**LOVE POTION**

**PART THREE**

_Resume: Lina Inverse is being chased by a horde of mad women, as the brilliant mind of Martina led her to prepare a magic potion to subdue the sorceress of the Dragon Slave. Too bad things gone wrong, and now all those who have contributed to the birth of the potion are madly fallen in love with Lina. Amelia, the only female survivor, came to a conclusion but did not have time to reveal it to her friend that she has been carried away by feminine beasts..._

_A room of the Palace of Sailune._

_It's dark in here ... but where am I? Oh I can't remember anything ... I must have bumped my head ... ouch, what a pain, what the hell's going on? The only things I remember is are a pair of stratospheric tits that chocked me, and my shoulder hurts so much. I remember now ... oh no... no... it can't be ... I prefer NOT to remember ... sigh ... but ... wherever I am, I can feel a cool and nice breeze... maybe I'm in my room ... yeah, yes, maybe it's all an effects of those medical herbs I ate last night ... even if I think my stomach is full now, as I've just eaten... bah, maybe I have not digested ... oh ... what is it? I see shadows ... I see something approaching... maybe Amelia came to call me ... okay, it's time to open my eyes..._

MARTINA: stay, stay, stay, stay... *suspiciously approaches*

LINA: ... no, definitely, it was _better_ to sleep...

MA: my little one, you're still hurt, but you'll see, now I'll do mouth-to-mouth to you and...

L: w-wha-

MA: *smooch*

L: …!

NAGAandSYLPHEEL: we had booked first!

...

MA: AAAAAAARGH!

N-SY: hooray, it's our turn!

L: ...

MA: That ... that ...

N-SY: what happens to you?

MA: that that that ... WHAT A DUMP! I KISSED LINA INVERSAAAAAAAAARGH! *runs away in despair, screaming and running around, shaking her arms in the air, through all the corridors of the palace*

N: I did not understand what happened to her...

SY: probably she realized that it was so unfair to have taken our prize and has created a diversion to make us understand how much she felt guilty.

N: Sylpheel, you're too naive ... Lina? *approaches*

L: ...

N: okay, enough with the tricks, darling. It's time to seriously wake up. *tries to touch her, but Lina splashes against the wall, adhering to it without going to come off*

_In that same instant, Amelia, Zelgadis, Gourry and Zangluss runs around, for they didn't know where Lina was brought. Then they meet Martina in the street, who flung herself into the arms of her husband._

ZANGLUSS: my love, sweet drop of honey, sugar babe!

MA: PUACH BLEAH!

ZA: Do I still make this kind of effects on you?!

MA: What the hell are you babbling about? *spits on the ground*

ZA: I now have confirmation...

MA: Oh, just shut up, you. It 's all because of that ... that ... ARGH Inverse! I'll revenge!

AMELIA: Martina, where you brought Lina?

MA: My pride is too injured to reveal such things.

ZA: *kisses her*

MA: oooooow ... Zangy ... Arrrrr my donkey... *behaves erratically, jumping on her husband*

ZA: The real Martina is back!

Zelgadis: I assume that something terrible has happened...

A: thank you for reassurance...

GOURRY: hey, could anyone kindly explain to me what happened...? Oh? What do you want, Zangluss?

ZA: *unsheathing his sword* You will pay for everything you've done to my wife!

GO: uh? Look, I haven't done-

ZA: shut up, plebeian! My vengeance is near!

ZEL, but excuse me, why are you mad at Gourry if the cause seems to be Lina?

ZA: I'm creating a diversion for my fight with Gourry once and for all.

ZEL: A putrid excuse ...

ZA: C'mon Gourry, let's fight!

A: in the name of JUSTICE, everybody don't move! *Amelia's scream is so intimidating that all freeze in place * First, we must find Lina, remember that it is still in the hands of those two crazy women!

GO: Who?

A: Naga and Sylpheel...

GO: oh yeah, I noticed that they behave in a strange way ...

A: what did you notice, if I may ask...?

GO: for example, last time Sylpheel said something like "I'm in largh" but I can not understand what she meant.

A: details, Gourry, just details...

_Gleaned some information from Martina-in-love-love-mode-with-Zanglus, everyone got together and went to that room. But just as they entered, they found the devastation in front of their eyes. The broken-down bed, the curtains powder, pieces of brick wall to the floor and two deployed unidentified bodies, still rattling._

A: we arrived too late ...

ZE: I would not say, I know that those bodies are Naga and Sylpheel *indicates one of them" here, that is Sylpheel ...

A: from what do you recognize her?

ZE: from her purple pants. *Indicates the other body* that it should be ... well in fact it's Naga. It's Naga for sure.

A: ah ... I see that the certainty fills you. From what do you deduce this time?

ZE: Eeeeeh secrets of intuition ...

A: Aehm. *approaching* Naga, where you hid Lina?

NA: ...

A: can not speak ... * approaches * Sylpheel, where you hid Lina?

SY: ...

A: okay, they're both knocked out. So where... ouch!

ZE: what happens?

A: Zell, stop to pull your stones, you know that I do not like this joke!

GO: you play shoting your stones?

ZE: details. Amelia, look, I haven't pulled anything ... ouch! Is the ceiling falling down?

_All raise their heads._

_Lina Inverse, the famous Bandit Killer, the legendary Dragon Slayer, the deadly Dra-mata. Clinging with a lot of love from the chandelier, which was in danger of falling at any moment. She was trembling, her eyes still wide with horror, or fear of stepping foot on the ground._

A: I see ... uh Lina-san, come on, come down to the ground...

L: ...

A: What the hell did happen to you?

MA: I know what happened! SHE kissed me!

...

A: May I have some doubts?

MA: Let's hear.

A: It was YOU being under the influence of the potion, I think you are the one that acted.

ZA: *appears in front of his wife* do you think this is possible, only minimally?

A: yes.

ZA: no

A: yes.

ZA: no

A: yes.

ZA: no

A: yes.

ZA: no

A: do you want to fight? * assuming a look of defiance*

ZA: YEAH!

...

ZEL: uh ... Lina, please ... come down, we will hold those beasts...

L: *shakes her head*

GO: *approaches Naga, taking her arm* Lina, don't you see they do not have the strength to jump on you?

L: ...

ZEL: Don't you trust us?

L: I-it's n-not that ... I do trust you ... but...

GO: so come on, I said that they are harmless.

L: the truth is that ...

ZEL: what?

L: I don't know how to get down.

_Everyone fall on the ground._

_Although she could use magic, her mind was too paralyzed by the idea of the danger she had run. Zelgadis, with the help of Gourry, pulled down the girl from the chandelier. Amelia and Zangluss were still in the verbal fight, while Martina was rubbing against the leg of her husband._

ZEL: See, Lina? Now it's alright.

GO: Lina, you took a big risk but you're still alive.

L: yeah, alive...

GO: enough with this look...

L: how do you think one could feel when was in danger of being abused by two mentally ill women?

GO: You've got a point.

L: …!

Go: On c'mon, not again! You're safe now!

L: No-no-no-no ... don't come closer ...!

GO: hey what happens now- ...! *he's hit by a Fire Arrow*

SY: Gourry ... oh my beloved (yuck, yuck, but why I say these things?) ... I'm sorry but I had to... for love ...

ZE: oh no, they retur- GWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! *Hit by a Dire Brand*

NA: me, I did it for love too! Ohohohohoh!

L: my poor ears ... w-what are you doing? Do not come closer, I said! I warned you! Hey, what's that rope? What it means? No, please! I-I beg you ... I'm still young and immaculate ... I'm not ready for such a thing ...

NA: ah cut it out and let me tie you!

L: On no, please! I ... well, then...

NA: Then what?

L: * assumes a very sexy but innocent pose, bent to the ground, a finger on her lips* ... I do not like bdsm...

NA: …

SY: ...

L: *thought* Good, I've caught them by surprise, now it's the time to escape! For freedom!

NA-SY: wheeeeere you're gooooing, Linaaaaaaaaa-chaaaaaaa-aaaaaaaan?

L: gh! ... I knew it...

A: Wait!

L: Amelia, my dear, at least you in the universe!

A: ARGH! Are you like them now?

L: No, but I am looking for a little comfort.

ZA: hey, what about our fight?

A: shut up in the name of JUSTICE!

ZA: Oh! That word!

A: stop it, girls, for heaven's sake! Have some good-hearted! Uh ... if ... if ... you really love Lina, you must respect her … so be kind! Because you don't know but ... here ... she is very shy...

L: Is that your way to distract them?

NA: apologizes, but how do you know?

A: because errr ... * blushes * we traveled together for so long and ... well ... I understand VERY well ... and... well ...

L: oh crap.

A: I'm sorry, Lina, it was for the diversion.

L: my name is ruined!

NA: sister...

A: What is it?

NA: *backs away and seems disgusted* so then ... you and Lina ...

A: *hugging Lina* yeah, we are... lovers! * exasperated *

ZE: oooooow... * goes back to his state of unconsciousness *

SY: no, Amelia, that is so unfair!

A: it is only right instead ... and you'd be better to ..., well ... to get away from her!

NA: *thinks* Uhm, so let me see. *leafs through a unidentified magazine* The Bold and The Beautiful, episode #156789: Brooke betrays Ridge once again with his brother, but the dear Ridge is so stupid that pardons for the millionth time the woman, and triumphant she return to console her pain to his brother again...

A: ... Naga, what are you reading?

NA: a treatise about couples!

A: ah ... very interesting ...

NA: Amelia, my dear little sister, I'm sorry but I learn quickly and I will take as example this Treaty of pure wisdom! LINA ! Now come with me!

SY: yeah, and also with me!

L: I want to commit suicideeeeee!

A: Lina no, no! Do not you understand? The only way to heal those poor girls - so get rid of them, is...

L: I've figured out it, UNFORTUNATELY. And I DO NOT want to do it!

A: Yes, but if you're not in a hurry, this story will continue until the fourth chapter and I do not think you would agree ...

L: ... *ponders* ... *thinks about it seriously* ... * hey she's still thinking! ...I refuse!


	4. Chapter 4

**LOVE POTION**

**PART FOUR**

_Summary of previous episodes: main characters of Slayers' cast gathered at the Royal Palace of Saillune for a pleasant lunch, which was hopelessly compromised by Martina's diabolical plan to defeat Lina Inverse once and for all. Unfortunately the magic potion, that was supposed to drop the sorceress of the Dragon Slave at the foot of the Princess of Zoana, fails and the spell has turned against all women who participated in the "success" of the potion (Naga, Sylpheel and Martina). The Princess of Zoana was able to get rid of the curse, giving Lina a chance to discover the only cure. Will our heroine be able, or want, to put an end to this chaos?_

_Evening. Dinner time._

_A huge table lit by few candles. The room itself is quite dark except for those few lights. Many noises of clinging forks and swallowing. Three seated figures._

AMELIA: Lina ... hush, please ...

LINA: what the hell do you want?! Don't you see I'm busy?! Those harpies have literally taken off my strenght ...

ZELLGADISS: uff, you're still the same, you never change ...

L: instread you have made a major change! That wig that looks good on you, you know?

Z: *noticing only at the time that he hadn't taken off the camouflage yet* Oh f- ..! *takes the wig off and throws it in the dark* Why do I have to endure all this, I'm still wondering ...

A: *whispering in the ear of the red-haired sorceress* I think he's still angry because they told him he's ugly ...

L: I would put my hand on fire about it... listen, where did you put the roast? In all this darkness I can't see it.

A: do not complain: darkness or the beasts.

L: Oh no no okay, I like darkness, I'll try to search for it on my own.

A: Lina, we now put the record straight: YOU KNOW how to help those poor girls ...

L: ... whereas the poor girl is me...

A: ... in the name of JUSTICE! *jumps on the table, dropping several dishes* YOU have to save them! YOU have to use that method!

L: shhhhhhhhhhhh in the name of LON, Amelia, don't do all this noise, they would find us!

A: For the peace of the whole world YOU are be the only one who will have to deal with this case! YOU are our only RESOURCE! *her eyes sparkle, she points at the sorceress with a foot stomping a precious crystal glass*

L: Ameliaaaaaaa! Please, have mercy ... don't make noise ... Gods, it was easier to fight against Rezo.

Z: uh? What's wrong with my grandpa?

A & L: grandpa?! What are you saying, Zell? Do you realize what you "granpa" did?!

Z: Well, you have to admit that everything has a certain fun...

A: actually...

L: Yeah, true ... WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU SAYING?!

A: Lina, think about it: it would be the first time that we see you defeated on the field...

Z: ... and also the first time that you want to beat a retreat.

L: Someone stop me before I kill them. What have I done wrong?

_Footsteps. A figure comes out of the shadows, because of the lack of illumination of the site they are unable to figure out who it might be, but he/she certainly has something shiny in his/her hands, large, covered with a lid and ... steaming._

L: my roast, finally!

A: oh great, so you'll be... wait, but I didn't call any waiter.

Z: *placing a hand on the shoulder of the princess, holding her back * All this sounds interesting... let's just watch.

_The two retreat to the shadows with suspicion amusement, while the sorceress goes to the newcomer as if it were an angel sent from LON to rescue her (or her stomach)._

L: finally! La la la!

MYSTERIOUS CHARACTER: *with a hint of fatigue in her voice* Lina-san, here's your plate...

L: *stops immediately* this voice... so sweet and gentle... and about to die...

M.C.: Well, yeah... my sweet Lina-san, this delicious roast sprinkled with spices and served with grilled peppers and a touch of pepper that you like so much, I made it with my delicate little hands.

L: A... ah... behold, yes yes yes, I really appreciate it, no, I mean for real, uhm ... Good, Sylpheel, really good ... Now, good goodie, drop it on the table and...

S: you are complimenting me! I... I... I'm not worthy ... oooowwww *faints, but Lina saves the big dish*

L: It 's so easy to get rid of her ... so fragile, physically and emotionally speaking ... *putting the huge dish on the table* But ... the girl has been strong, this flavoured roast weights a lot. Did she slaughter a horse just for me?! Nope, she would faint at the thought, indeed, to the pre-pre-thought of the thought ...

_Suddenly the tray cover begins to stir. A slight moan._

L: aha! FRESH meat!

_Lifted the lid and invaded by the vapors trapped inside, but as soon as the outline of the content becomes visible, the sorceress closes it immediately with a sharp gesture. Cold sweats pervade her face._

_A few seconds later, an insistent knocking comes from inside the lid. The red-haired girl shakes her head several times, holding down her hands on the case. The knocking continued, at least until something or someone on the inside press to exit, at which a disconsolate Lina prefers to free the grip._

NAGA: * sprinkled with rosemary, oiled and spiced * Good evening, darling! I'm the house specialty, cooked to perfection to be enjoyed... immediately!

L: *reduced to tears of despair* I can not do more, please stop this foolishness

N: Do not do it anymore, honey? Then taste this good savored ham! *slapping her thigh*

L: Amelia ... Zellgadiss ... where are you, bastards...

N: no te gusta los ham? Want to try directly with the knuckle of New Year's Eve? *sensually caressesing herself from the ankle to the knee*

L: *she just doesn't know what to comment and where to turn* I want mommy...

N: Why do not we go directly to the fruit? Look at these two beautiful melons! They are mature! Touch them! *leans toward her, her arms under her breasts to... highlight*

L: I want a drug that makes me live beautiful illusions ... such as a field of flowers, yes, a field of flowers ... with snow-white clouds in the sky ... alone, totally alone...

N: but my sugar babe, I see you're a little pale, so take vitamin C! Look at this! Et voilà! *turns back, moving her ass in front of Lina's nose* Just shake and savor it!

L: ...I feel sick...

N: or not, you like fast food! *turns around again, this time placing the hands below* Here it is! I'm your canned food! Open and tast-

L: FIREBALL!

_The woman is violently thrown out of the building, causing a huge hole in the ceiling. At the same instant in which Naga was momentarily removed, arrogant giggles could be heard from the darkness of the room._

L: Yooooooooouuuuuuuuuu will paaaaaaaayyyyy!

Z: forgive, forgive us... * holds his stomach from laughing* If you'll forgive us I will cook you a delicious meal...

A: Yeah, forgive us, and I promise ... pfff ... *hardly keeping from laughing* that I will serve the best roast in the area...

Z: Ah! Don't forget spices! They're essential to achieve a bold and eloquent dish!

*Both laugh as fools, tears in their eyes, also caused by a Dill Brand that hits them relentlessly*

L: What's so funny, I can't understand...

SY: Yeah, just can't understand their bad taste ... their doing is so despicable to you, Lina-sama...

L: you think? So I'm not the only one to think th- STAY AWAY FROM ME!

SY: B-but Lina-sama, I... don'tt be so mean to me ... I would just ... I just want to... oooooowww *pretends to faint, but Lina prefers to run away and leaves her banging her head on the floor* ARGH! So that's the way you repay my love! ME, I'm so devoted to you! ME, that I have never aspired to your body! ME, that... I'm quite stupid, I should aspire to it instead ... NO! Never! But... what the hell am I thinking ... I fear myself... ooooow *faints after having rediscovered her naughty side*

_Meanwhile, the red-haired sorceress arrives on the other side of the building, thanks to her remarkable qualities of race. She had enough breath for returning back but it certainly was not her intent._

L: I will be safe here ... no, I surely won't... it is as if the curse approaches me like a magnet... Wait a minute, this is the area of restrooms... maybe I can find my stuff . Yes, there must be that old manual of witchcraft. I must find a ALTERNATIVE cure.

GOURRY: oi Lina!

L: DO NOT approache to m-ah ... it's you ... forgive me, I go scared by everyone and everything.

GO: I guess so. I didn't think you're a heartbreaker like that.

L: ... allow me to doubt the meaning of your sentence...

GO: Well, your ... lovers... are really fiery... I believe you when you say you're afraid … *giggles*

L: Gourry, let's analyze the situation: I have two of the three fools at my heels, I just ate but I think the food is returning to my throat due to the idiocies devised by those crazy women. And you, you're talking about "lovers" as if they were seriously my girlfriends... you have two possibility: I set fire to you now or I'll do in the next minute.

GO: errrr, I don't have much choice, admit it.

L: exactly.

GO: Well, please, forgive me but I didn't understand anything about what is happening.

L: I suspected.

GO: damn, I'm getting predictable.

L: … so, Martina has made a potion to submit me, but turned against her and all the others that have participated to the preparation of that damned infusion.

GO: ah ... Martina. Are you sure?

L: sure, why?

GO: Well, well, if you take a peek into this keyhole ...

L: I REFUSE. I get it. Really, do not insist, I understand.

GO: ok ok, if you insist ... But you could learn interesting things!

L: NO, THANK YOU.

GO: ok ok, I won't divulge to anyone what I saw and heard.

L: Y-you heard! Let's leave... or not, indeed!

GO: Oh, do you have a second through? So I will infuse you with my knowledge.

L: No, moron. I have in mind a diabolical plan to get rid of those two fools... or at least to remove them for a abundant period.

_Not having time to reveal her strategy, that the two beasts arrive at a gallop, driving a wheelchair carrying Amelia and Zellgadiss._

L: Pony Express...

NA: Ok, it's 50 golds.

A: hey! We had spoken to reveal where Lina-san was hiding! No money!

L: Y-you did-

A: Also you should not ask for money to your sister! It is so UNFAIR.

NA: 35 coins and let's not talk about it anymore.

ZE: hey Sylpheel ... did you survive? *pokes the lifeless body of the woman who had pulled his wheelchair. Zellgadiss = stone, so...*

L: You... have... payed... these two crazies ... only to not miss the little show.

*the chimera and the princess whistle and look around*

L: satisfy my curiosity, even if I'll regret asking ... but how did you get so fast?

NA: remember I was sprinkled with oil?

L: that's enough.

SY: *opens her eyes, a suspicious twinkle, putting hands on the ground and rising* I've heard... the sweet voice... of Lina-san...

NA: exactly, sweety, but this time she won't escape from me.

SY: How can you be so mean! I remind you that I suffered a lot to conquer her!

NA: and I remind you that I slipped into the oven and I almost burned to death for her love!

L: ...

NA: What happens, Lina? You seem in a trance ...

L: ...

SY: * shiny eyes * Lina-san ... why don't you want to communicate?

L: ...

SY: ... WHY DON'T YOU OPEN YOUR TENDER LITTLE HEART AND COMMUNICATE WITH US.?!

L: *after a moment of pause, her brain totally gone, she sucks her thumb*

SY: Aaaargh!

NA: Oh c'mon, puppy, don't do that ... come to me ... *winking*

L: girls ... I ... I have kept a very important secret.

ALL: What's this?

L: here, you should know that...

ALL: soooo?

L: I...

ALL: sooooooooo?

L: ... Gourry and I got married and Zellgadiss is our secret son!

_Sheaves of straw in the background._

_Still sheaves._

_The mouths of the onlookers have a remarkable facial paralysis._

_Still sheaves._

A: n-n-n-no, it can't be...

Z: And how did that happen...

NA: I-I feel... defeat...

SY: d-don't say it... to me...

GO: Oh!

L: WHAT? *flushing*

GO: Lina, however, must have been very painful.

L: ...what?

GO: Well, you know, Zellgadiss is made of stone, I mean, STONE.

L: Yes, I know well...

GO: I wonder how painful it was to give birth to him!

L: Now, at this very moment, I will give birth to a Dragon Slave...

GO: but I still have a curiosity!

L: how to compile a testament, perhaps?

GO: let's reason (a difficult thing if it involves Gourry): if you and I are married, assuming I don't remember the exact moment when it happened, and Zell is our son ... but we all know that Rezo is his grandfather ... so... really, be honest ... *looks serious, puts his hands on her shoulders, staring into her eyes *

L: w-what?

GO: ... you're an adulterer.

L: _It 's more obscure twilight, it is more of the same blood red._

A: Linaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! Please, save the palace ç_ç

ZE: I ask for it too, I beg you... then you have to explain from where you came out of this idea.

L: ... _it's buried under the tide of time._

A: Linaaaa-sannn please, before you kill us all, free these two! Even if you blow them, the effects of the curse will stay!

GO: oh? Then they can be saved? And how could she do that?

A: Well, she have to KISS them!

_Morning._

_Wind blowing over the ruins of the royal palace of Saillune._

_Smoldering and charred figures all under rubbles, lifeless. A figure is bent on one of them, her gaze lowered, shadow covers her eyes, a trickle of tears on her left cheek._

L: I ... now ... I'm no longer pure... my immaculate lips, this sin-stained ... oh, what have I ever done wrong in life ... Well, several things, but nothing so serious to deserve all this ... now ... I lost my purity.

SY: Lin-Li ... na ... san ... What is ... happening...

L: * softly crying* Nothing Sylpheel, now take some rest... it was a hard day for all ... I...

SY: but ... Lina san ... ... why are you... crying...

L: I ... I made a choice ... it was a... very cruel choice... for me.

SY: But ... What is ... this flavor ... on … my lips... ?

L: sleep, Sylpheel, it's for your own good ... sleep, c'mon...

SY: not now ... this ... I can't remember...

L: I TOLD YOU TO SLEEP! *hits her in the head with a brick, blood covers everything* ...whoops!

_The red-haired sorceress approaches to another figure in the rubble. Her divine beauty, however, was not affected by the dust and debris that had on her. Lina watched silent, wiped the tears away, swallowed her saliva and walked toward her. She stroked her long black hair, brushing her cheeks from the ashes, one hand under her head to rise her head, the other on the lips drawing them with a finger._

L: this scene is kinda kinky... ok ... I did it once (no, two, but better forgetting one at least) I can do it again... and then never again. Gods, I pray you, make sure that Naga wouldn't wake up just n-

NA: *blink blink* oooh Lina ... my sweet Lina ...

L: the author is a masochist or I'm very unlucky.

NA: Lina ... you ... you're so sweet ... sensitive ...

L: oh yeah, whatever...

NA: *slowly raises a hand to caress her cheek* You can't even understand what you represents for me.

L: your rival, the one who you will surely defeat, blah blah blah.

NA: exactl- cough, sorry, you know, dust in the throat...

L: You're believable as a flying pig ...

NA: *with a lot of conviction, looking straight in her eyes* ... and even though I know you wouldn't believe me, now or ever, you have always been my point of reference, the best among the companions you could wish for, but I saw your weak side, the most fragile side, and I'm here ready to give you all of me, I will give you my all! I'll love you forever!

L: *violently blushing* N-Naga...

_Eyes narrowed, lips meet in a magical moment._

_The moment lasts rather long._

_What are they now, octopusses?_

_Applauses. Looks upon them._

L: *violently breaks away from Naga* AAARGH! You were awake! And you were LOOKING!

ZE: Well, it was a good drama, I must admit ...

GO: Yeah yeah ... *arms crossed, frowning nods* but isn't she again a adulteress?

ZANGLUSS & MARTINA: look at her, Lina Inverse, so tender and romantic ... but she carbonized our clothes.

A: Aaaaahhh ... *a handkerchief, tears* Love always triumphs...

L: what Love and Love! I did it simply for-

A: yeah, don't try to fool all of us, it was LOVE!

L: gh! N-no! You know very well why I did it! I had to free them from the curse!

NA: WHICH curse?

MA: So, it was-

L: SHUT UP, you've already said and done too much.

MA: iiih, okay...

ZE: Well, it seems everything is resolved for good, in the end.

L: my reputation aside.

A: *comes close to her friend, gives her a pat on the back* Come on Lina, anything is lost! You can always follow the glorious way of bisexuality.

L: ... mmmmmmmh...

A: See? It's a good idea, you're already thinking about it!

L: not exactly, I'm thinking which spell I could shot to you...

_This little story of ordinary madness ends here._

_Lina promised to the princess of Saillune that she would never accept an invitation to lunch at court anymore. Gourry tried to get an explanation from Martina about her diabolical as inconclusive plan, while she was trying to expel the remnants of potion rubbing against her husband, glad to get back his wife._

_Zellgadiss spent much of his time leafing through the book of spells and curses of his grandfather Rezo, searching for few hints to a possible cure for his condition of chimera, in vain, but you already knew._

_The courtiers were exhumed from the rubble of the building, all cured by their princess. Thanks to the intercession of her father (who was miraculously saved because he was away from home for a transfer), common people were more than happy to lend a hand in the reconstruction of the royal palace._

_Ironic that the only part that still stood majestic was just the dining area with kitchen, fully functional. Lina was horrified by the invitation at the table, but after a lot of insistence she was dragged to lunch together with her friends once again, Martina was kept away from the kitchen._

_After the meal, the red-haired sorceress walked away from the group to indulge in a little break to the porch. She put her hands on the ledge of the balcony, breathing a sigh of relief._

L: phew, finally it's all over. So much suffering but I've done it.

NA: Yeah, you were pretty good at resolving the matter.

L: ARGH! Ah, no, sorry. It's that I'm still a little shocked.

NA: I figured, I completely understand. On the other hand, anyone would be pervaded by a holy fear in front of my beauty.

L: a chill...

NA: not as many as the ones that you had few hours ago.

L: … Listen, I'm sorry for what happened but, in my detriment, I HAD to... then try to delete everything, okay? Really, I'm sorry.

NA: Okay, okay, but I want to make clear one more thing.

L: what?

NA: what I said previously, I really feel it.

L: ...eh?

END.


End file.
